WHEREAS, one Phillipmagilder Alamagoozalum Whangdoodlum Larryum Murrayum is engaged in plotting with conspirators to usurp our prerogatives and is a traitor to our person and scepter; and
WHEREAS, all movements of such nature tend to weaken the stability of our government at home, and cause it to fall into contempt and ridicule with foreign Nations;
NOW, THEREFORE, we, Norton I, Dei Gratia Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, hereby decree that said Phillipmagilder Alamagoozalum Whangdoodlum Larryum Murrayum be appointed Chief of Police to ex-Emperor Louis Napoleon Bonaparte, and that he forthwith leave our realm to fill such an appointment.
September 13, 1870

Forged by Philip Magilder and Larry Murray